id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
