the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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