I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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