"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
