I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize