***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
