yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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