Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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