This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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