good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
pray to the hookup gods
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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