So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
