dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
