well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
