At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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