Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
