I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
