There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
