I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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