I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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