There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
