I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
