im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
