hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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