it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
