Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
