We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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