Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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