I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
