God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
