lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont even know how to be here
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
