There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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