Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
