My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
