she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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