Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
