I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
