Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
