she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
