ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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