he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i believe in u and ur pee
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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