Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
