Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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