oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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