How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
