Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
