I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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