The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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