sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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