Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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