these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
