My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
