How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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