we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
