I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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