is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
