Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize