my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
