So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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