u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
