Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
