The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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