rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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