That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
