The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
