i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
