Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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