she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
