What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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