I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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