a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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