Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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