dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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