well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
