Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
