I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
