Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
