Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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