Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
