I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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